Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
