I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
