I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
