def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
