Nicole vs. Life
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
