I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
