i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
