i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
