drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize