We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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