here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
