I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
