i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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