She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
