dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
