So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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