I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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