just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
