I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
