To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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