meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
