I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
