You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize