a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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