I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
