i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize