You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
