smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
