so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
