Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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