i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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