i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
