they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
