Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
