this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
