We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize