If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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