The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
