just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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