woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
