Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
