I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
