Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize