Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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