these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
