So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
