this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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