the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
