dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
