It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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