all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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