yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
