I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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