i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
