About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
