i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
