How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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