i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
