plz talk dirty to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had sex bonerless
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize