he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
