I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
