Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
