Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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