It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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