My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
