I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
