I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
