my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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